Somewhat of a drought.

Man I have so many idols in my life it is ridiculous!!! I would say the two main ones would be technology and boys. By idols I mean these are things that I idolize and think will bring me happiness....things that replace God essentially. The saying, "Don't try to fix your problems and fit God in there too somewhere, but focus on God and everything will fix itself," has been going in one ear and out the other lately. I know that is what I need to be doing, yet I still look to many other things besides God to give me fulfillment in life. I am reading a book called Authentic Beauty and it is mostly about how to grow into a deep, close relationship with God and like focus your life around that closeness. When I read the book I want that relationship with God so badly, but then later I find myself concerned once again with the small, usually not important, worries of life. It is kind of crazy that it is hard for me to draw close to God because when I do...I am never disappointed. I am actually overjoyed. I feel true love in my heart and worthy of love and all good things. Maybe I am sick of experiencing that joy and then losing it time after time by inevitably getting buried in the world. Kind of like I know the high won't last longer than a day, a week, a month, so why have it at all? Or maybe it is because I say I want to draw near to Him, but I don't really. Not as much as I think I do. It's like I need a reason--a real low in my life to really truly seek God. That's the biggest thing I want to work on right there, seeking God everyday for how to live my life, not just calling on him when I am in need. I think the fact that it is Christmas break is motivating this whole post because break is a time to be lazy...not think about anything...but I really need to thank God for this time that he has given me an entire month to seek him with barely any outside distractions like school or jobs. There are a few books I want to read and I also want to dig into my new bible :) Let's hope I learn a little discipline.

Anywayyy, sorry for the "depressing struggle post". Just my thoughts out loud.
:) It's all good.
Katie

My Candle

literally wrote this poem in about 2 minutes about my scented candle that i've come to love in the last 2 days while winter is blustering outside...


a flicker of light
a glimmer of hope
as the darkness creeps in the window
this flame stands in the way
and tells the darkness to step back
for it has things under control
taken care of in here
in this warm place
lighting up my room
lighting up my heart.

Beautiful Skyy!!

"The Palace Girls" had a dance party this past Friday in celebration of the twins 21st bday. I love these girls!!






One thing that I'm discovering I LOOOVE is the beautiful sky!!! (I wish my camera took better pictures! My photos don't really ever do the sky justice). I am in awe of a pretty sky unlike anything else. I have become quite the master of capturing beautiful sunsets on my drives to and from Missouri. I have some other sky pics that I will try and put up later but these are from my drive down to Missouri from Thanksgiving break at around 4pm. Enjoy! :)

Katie

Poetry week day 5 :)

This poem is my interpretation of the picture at the header of my blog. My friend Rachel, had this picture on facebook (It's a professional picture, she didn't take it) and I fell in love with it. Now it is everywhere from my Twitter homepage, to the background screen of my laptop, phone, and blog. I don't think a picture has ever spoken directly TO me like this one has. I. Love. It.


I am silent as I hear the breeze
hush through the trees.
The tall grass
tickles the back of my knees.
I toss my head back
and let the wind have its way with my hair.
I slowly close my eyes
as I escape with the breeze.
Floating away to a place of peace.
Every muscle in my body is relaxed.
And in this perfect moment, I belong to nature.

Katie

I wish I had 7 good poems...

Yellewww folks! Poetry week is put on hold due to I don't have any more poems ready to share...yet! It will continue in the near future though. (Could be tomorrow! but i skipped the weekend and it was bothering me so I had to address it).

Shout out to EEDS who told me about her blog today and shout out to Anna Egeln who is a baby blogger! (just startin out). Can't wait to read your girls' stuff!

11 days till i see my Anna love in sunny Florida! :)

How could finals get me down with such an AMAZING winter break ahead?!

Katie

P.S. just started following C.S. Lewis quotes on twitter!! (LOVE him) soo i'll leave you with this and there will be plenty more of these documented on this blog don't you worry.

In science we have been reading only the notes to a poem; in Christianity we find the poem itself. - C.S. Lewis

Poetry week day 4 :)

Like a volcano
Bubbly, brimming, and overheated
These thoughts will boil under the surface of my mind
Until they erupt on this page
and splatter as they melt away my pen
Anger, confusion, and hurt
Released into the air
To blow away with the ash in the wind
and in this writing, I am free.

Katie

Poetry week day 3 :)

This is how much I want to live in Colorado...

Colorado
Beautiful mountains
Snow capped and wondrous
God is the greatest artist of all time
I'd rather marvel in the beauty of his works in nature
than look at any man made art FOREVER!
Serene lakes and rivers
Crystal clear with decorations of pebbles
Uniqueness.
Cultures of hipsters, coffee shops, and festivals
Scenic beauty and fresh air!


This year I've been learning to discover the beauty in Columbia's nature and unique downtown...but I still dream of Colorado :)

Katie

Poetry week day 2 :)

Storms ring beauty in their darkness,
The sadness and mystery and where it all comes from.
Dreaming of the light on the horizon,
That lighthouse that soothes your soul.
You cling to it and wait for it to disappear
Because the storm's too strong and the light too bright.
You must go back to the mystery of life.

Katie

Poetry week! (according to me)

Reads as a rap?...

Praise God for the changes, the progress, the new faces, I get to see who love me faithfully. He's given me confidence that no one can take, replace, or shake. It's no mistake, my God loves me, He cares for me, wants the best for me, through the struggle and the pain He holds tight to me. Takes my hand into the dark and leads a path for me, to follow, I'm hollow, without Him, He fills me up from within, takes away all my sin and lays it down, I wear a crown, forgiveness and beauty, teachin me to be my true self and live through me, words can't explain how this man's changed my life, I give thanks and praise and the glory to my God, Jesus Christ.

Katie

Novembre, je t'adore.

November is going to be an awesome month. It already is. some things happening in November:

-(well this was oct 31st but i had a super fun halloween this year)

-I got to tour 3 ad agencies in kansas city today and they were awesomeee!

-I get to go to Sara Bareilles and Augstana concert in 2 weekends..

-my 21st birthday is in less than 2 weeks and i've planned a lil celebration at shakespeares which im excited for..(did i mention i have the same birthday as my dad? :) fun fact. )

-THANKSGIVING BREAK! (can't really even describe how badly I need a break from school, this city, want to see my family etc)

Yep :) All in all, a great month.

<3 Katie

PURE JOY!!!

Lately, everything that's been happening to me has been amazing!!! like a-m-a-z-i-n-g. great news after great news! happiness after happiness! i thought i would share some of the awesome things in my life right now.

1. Cassidy Ties, my best friend from home, came to Columbia this past weekend and visited me and it was like too good to be true. Even though, I had to go pick her up and drop her off at the St. Louis airport, I would do it a hundred times again because it was sooooooooooo good to see her!!!!

2. I've been OBSESSED with Sara Bareilles' new CD and one of my friends, Bre, loves her too. and last week I was like Bre, we have to go to a Sara Bareilles concert if she is anywhere near us. 3 days later Bre tells me Sara Bareilles is coming to St. Louis and Augustana (another band i love) is opening for her for only $25!! It gets better. 2 days after that Bre says she has a friend that goes to St. Louis University (where the concert is) and that she can get us student rate tickets for 5 DOLLARS!!! yup. 5 dollars. Sooo i'll be going to that on November 13th :)

3. I am working 16 hours this weekend at the Wolpers desk. It is homecoming weekend, but okay if you aren't going to the football game and your family isn't visiting you...isn't it the same as any other weekend?! That's how I see it at least...a chance to make money!! Since I had to get last weekend off for cass to visit, I'm feelin low about my piggy bank so I am working a ton and while that may seem bad, I see it as A CHANCE TO READ THESE 2 BOOKS I WANT TO READ!! and catch up on my tv shows. and overall, relax because school has been stressful lately!

4. I'm pretty sure I failed (definitely got no better than a 70%...) my design and visuals midterm today. You see, normally I would be pissed, but I can't really get off this happy high right now and I'm 99% confident the rest of the class failed too :) Frank is in for an uprising of angry students. (He is my oh so sexy, but oh so jerk-y professor).

5. I SPONTANEOUSLY BOUGHT A TICKET TO FLORIDA LAST NIGHT TO VISIT ANNA EGELN!!! December 17-23rd!! hellooooo Sunny Florida! Got a cheap ticket too! This is very exciting because I thought I wasn't going to be able to go to Florida with family vaca conflicts, but somehow IT WORKS! AND I'M GOING! YAYYY!! Soo excited to see her again and refresh our friendship :)

6. Speaking of family vaca...I'M GOING TO HAWAII!!! Jan 2-10! I've always wanted to go!!! Family vacation! woo hoo!!!

7. Today at the advisor, I found out that next semester I can take 15 credits (which i made a schedule for already and I love the classes and I'll have NO CLASS ON FRIDAYS!! which will work to my advantage in flying to visit my sister in Texas for South By Southwest music festival!) (I wasn't lying when literally every little good thing is happening to me.) So back to exciting school news: If i take 15 next semester, I can take 12 next fall and ONLY 9 CREDITS MY LAST SEMESTER HERE! that means PLENTY OF TIME TO VISIT MY BFF ANNE AT WASH U IN ST. LOUIS!

8. I LOVE LIIIIFE!!! HAPPY TUESDAY!!!!!!!

9. If you're a fan of the office, listen to this song and remember the most amazing tv show intro i've ever seen because it can't NOT cheer you up...(and get stuck in your head the whole day).

An oh so awesome message.

I went to the Rock service, (this on campus church here at Mizzou) and I heard one of the best messages I've ever heard in my life so I thought I'd share the little notes I took on it. God's timing is amazing. He puts you in the perfect place to hear exactly what you need to hear, when you need to hear it. and man does God know what we need to hear!

1. The human tendency is to resist, NOT obey. It is not just Jesus that we resist but it's natural to want to do things our own way no matter what.
2. Worrying about the unknown will not change the future. Rest in God and he will grow you spiritually.
3. You can't focus on what you're thankful for and what you're worried about at the same time. Your brain physically cannot do both.
4. We can live hidden life in Christ that is sometimes hard to find or we can live what you can see, what is easy, in front of us.
5. We don't live to become righteous because we're already been made righteous.
6. Where God is pushing on you to change, those are the deceptions that we should recognize. Where you feel the least loved; Where God is the least reflective= deceptions.
7. Emotional pain is the biggest cue of where we are in our walk.

The best analogy I've ever heard:
You have two elephants in a yard. A white elephant and a brown elephant. The white elephant is all of the deception and self defeating thoughts that you want to get out of your head. The brown elephant is all that is good in your life, and mainly your spiritual life. We try and try to push the white elephant out of the yard, kicking it, pulling it's tail, pushing with all our strength, and it does not budge. Meanwhile, while we've been using all of our energy trying to push the white elephant out of the yard, the brown elephant wanders away. INSTEAD, we need to feed the brown elephant and let the white elephant starve.

Simple as that. You hear the theme of this analogy (Focus on God and everything will work itself out), but for some reason, this analogy, in these terms, is just like YES! I GET IT!! IT REALLY IS THAT EASY!

"We think we know what path is the best path for us to get to where we want to be, but God is going to give us His path for us because His is always going to be better." <3

Still journeying over here...

<3 Katie

Inside My Mind for a Minute.

My mind is speeding in a whirlwind of thoughts. I have had so many revelations and desires recognized over the past couple of days that it is hard to stay sane when I need to express them all in some format! The best way I figure is using my blog! This is going to be a mixed up jumble of thoughts and I hope you enjoy the ride of what it's like to be inside my brain for a few minutes.

I've concluded that I make my friends and connect with people the best not based on how similar we are, but by the depth of our minds. The way that I can talk with some friends and they are on my same level, the bigger picture level, is almost intoxicating to me. I am completely opposite from some of my friends, but in those friends we are connected by the simple fact that we can talk for hours about LIFE! If I never have deep conversations with people, that's where I've found friendships not lasting. Just, my overall point is to recognize people's minds and how they think about life and their overall perspective and not focus so much on "what they do".

My most favorite thing to do in the world is have deep conversations with people that I have just met. I despise small talk. When I meet someone for the first time, I want to KNOW them, not know about them. Is this making any sense to you? I want to know how they FEEL about things not what they think I want to hear. I have met a few people lately that have just been so awesome and we got into great conversation right off that bat, so I'm really like excited from all of that still. One thing I have been learning for the past few years and learning to ACCEPT is that sometimes awesome people that you have great conversation with right away are only meant to be in your life for possibly that one conversation. Or one night. Or one week. That is sooo hard for me to accept because I want to learn more about the person or see them again, but maybe I was just meant to learn something from them and move on.

I am learning that life is not about the specifics of things but what you learn along the journey. It's kind of funny, but my blog is teaching me this. I clearly get very honest and personal doing these posts, but like being censored about some specific situations that I'm referring to helps me to clearly look at the lessons I'm learning. I don't feel the need to explain the exact situation that taught me each thing and get lost in the story: It's all about the lesson learned.

I've noticed a lot lately how filled with media and technology my life is!! (Duh. i love facebook). But like it's really hitting me how I need to use these things less. Where did I learn this? The shower. Usually I listen to music when I shower. But the past 2 showers I've had, I didn't and this is where all these thoughts came from!! Well not all of them, but oh my goodness my life somehow gets miraculously figured out in the silence of a shower! Why do I insist on bringing technology into EVERY. SINGLE. PART. OF MY LIFE.! It's such a distraction!! Like I decided today, the next state that I want to live in is Colorado. Why? Because it's naturally BEAUTIFUL and SERENE and PEACEFUL! The thing is that my life could be all of those things now, if I were to take advantage of things like a beautiful day or a coffee shop downtown, or a blanket in a park. instead of tv, facebook, music. It was like a light bulb went off in my head "Katie, you CAN IN FACT BE that "hipster blogger" in a coffee shop". Granted, there may not be beautiful mountains in the distance, but still! Something else that got me thinking about this was seeing a preview for an upcoming movie today on tv. Basically in the preview, little old Betty White's character says "look me up on facebook! or on the twitter!" ....hearing that made me sick. I literally thought "Nooo, don't destruct poor old Betty White with our stupid 21st century technology crap!! She comes from a simpler time!!!!" I am actually envious of the old days where none of this tempting technology crap ruined human interaction. Seems like an easier time (even though all of these things would have us believe it's easier to live now). My friend Abby did this 24 hour alone time thing where she didn't use any technology for 24 hours and just basically read books and her bible and thought about her thoughts. I would love to do something like that...my goal for this week is to spend one day outside/downtown being productive with schoolwork, or journaling, or bible studying. Something that connects me to the world physically, not cyber-ly. (yes i made that word up.)


I have said before that I am working on myself, but I truly feel like I am working on myself and will work on myself this semester. Hard. I'm really figuring out the way that I work and it's become such a focus in my life. I KNOW that I am going to be able to overcome my anxieties. It's going to take a lot of work, but I am really going to try to prioritize it.

This whole post is super honest and open but i feel like life is about being REAL. I want the people I care about to really KNOW me, not know the outer shell that I choose to show them. I don't think life is about creating a "legacy" in the world, but I will die happy if I truly feel like the people I love really know me and the kind of person that I am. One of my biggest fears is for the people I love to feel like they didn't really know me or what was going on with me. and when I say me, I mean my heart, not my daily activities. Everybody should share their heart with their loved ones. My blog is a way for me to do that in a way that is organized (I express myself way better in writing than speaking), and honest. I don't always have the time to catch everyone up on my life and soo I just love this thing.

Alright! Well I will leave you with this awesome verse that has been pretty meaningful to me lately:

Romans 8:18- I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

Thanks for reading all of that :) <3 Katie

Opportunities...

I've been thinking lately about opportunities. We each face choices or different opportunities each day, but it's up to us to seize them and make life meaningful. Something I've learned that will never disappoint: always choose family before anything else, and then also in a broader sense, always choose the opportunity that involves people and relationships. ...but those general rules work quite nicely when you don't know how to spend your day, or your year.
I don't know if that made any sense, i'm trying to be able to write on here just my general thoughts but it's hard for me to not have them fully explained and just let the words sit imperfectly!
One thing that I reeeally think about when I look back on the opportunities I've been presented with is God. It is so cool to look back on the past few years and recount all the amazing opportunities that God has placed in my life without me recognizing it!!! I swear, everytime, I don't recognize how amazing the opportunity was until it's over! When you trust your life to God, you'll be surprised the kinds of things you suddenly say "Yes" to. You just have to take a leap of faith and trust when you say, join a club, take a job, take a trip, live with new people and experience it to the fullest and then you will come out on the other side completely GROWN! God grows you in the craziest ways!
I know for a fact that I am about to be grown this semester when I take steps toward overcoming my anxiety problem and it's going to be rough and tough and scary! But all I can do is look back at my past and see that God really has never failed me or let me fall beyond His grasp. It is funny how sometimes we actually NEED to have really low lows to draw CLOSE to God.
Whatever path you are on, just don't settle. Keep seeking to grow! In whatever way that may be. Keep recognizing that EVERY opportunity that you are presented with is no accident and if you don't just brush it off as "oh another thing to do..." but instead actually give something a real effort CHANCE, you'll be amazzzzed at what can come of it.
<3 Katie

I'M BACK!

I haven't posted in forever and when I signed in just now, it said there were new templates available! soo fresh look, fresh posts :) (also my old template cut off the sides of my pics and videos so this one is way better)

I have too much to explain so here is summary of different things going on with me!

1. I might be going to a Hanson concert in August
2. I saw Inception and loved it as well as fell deeper in love with Joseph Gordon Levitt
3. I am thinking about coaching a grade 4-6 girls soccer team in the Fall through a league my church runs called Upward Soccer.
4. I have not traveled anywhere this summer besides home, which means I am already planning some sort of trip over winter break...hopefully it will be a summer staff reunion!! :) I am 95% planning on going to Florida to visit my bff from summer staff, Anna Egeln :)
5. I have been getting to know my friends from Columbia a lot better this summer and can't wait for school to start with everyone here! --I really feel like Columbia is home now :)
6. I bought movies this summer and officially own 10 movies now!!
7. I have been an avid watcher of The Bachelorette this summer.
8. My dad got me Roller Coaster Tycoon 3 and my childhood immediately rushed back to me. Another time this happened is when I couldn't fall asleep and watched Arthur on tv at 3am.
9. My sister, Laura, is getting here tonight at midnight and visiting me for 3 and a half days. YAY! pool everydayy! possible foam party at deja vu saturday night?? haha
10. I move into my 100 year old apartment in 2 weeks with Carla and I am very excited to DECORATE! I got a new comforter and everything :) We are going to brighten up that old place like no other!

Okay soo these are tid bits of my life and I will hopefully keep up with posting! Sorry, summer is just so relaxing and I try not to force myself to blog! Have a good dayyy! :)

my new obsessions! :)

things i have become obsessed with this year:

Urban Outfitters. i want everything in that store, but sadly can only afford to shop in the clearance section. (Where I got my current COMFORTABLE favorite flats for only 10 dollars!!! thanks anne! :) )

Ben Rector. Recently discovered him (thanks abby!) and he is a-m-a-z-i-n-g. Not a well known musician, but has a couple CDs. I think he is a mix between Jack Johnson's style of music and Chris Martin from Coldplay's voice. sooo essentially he is perfect.


It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. This is one of the most funny T.V. shows i've ever seen. I watched every episode of the 5 seasons in the span of like 2 months. Anna showed this show to me. It's on FX and i guess it's been on since like 2005! It is just sooo funny and my kind of humor. Sarcastic and cocky and outrageous and inappropriate in every sense of the word. OH it's funny. Staying inside the t.v. show, the episode I am obsessed with is called "The Nightman Cometh" in which Charlie writes a hilarious musical.

Cute Cast :)


aaaand this is why they're funny:


Liam Hemsworth. He is the lead actor in "The Last Song" (yess with miley cyrus. i like her.) except i hate her in real life cuz she's DATING him in real life. that lucky... Basically he's one of the most attractive actors I have seen in my whole life.

hahah this is a scene from the movie! not a douchebag photo shoot in the mud.


Can't think of any more things right now!

Oh today I tie dyed 4 shirts!!! with friends :) we so craftaaay! (pics coming soon they're not dry yet!)

look at me! i'm a morning person!

ALERT THE MEDIA! It is 6:43am and I am up! I am not going to get into the details of my sleep schedule for embarrassment purposes, but! I have been up since 2am and I have two psych tests on Tuesday (it's currently monday morning) and so I studied for both of those!--well got organized to study them...i went through all my notes and highlighted the things from the Review study guides. So later today I can just go through and memorize yay! and It wasn't even that much stuff so I am feeling a little bit better about having both tests back to back!

So after studying, I took a shower! and Now i'm blogging! I was going to blog at the dining hall, but it doesn't open til 7am...I BEAT THE DINING HALL FOR BREAKFAST! wow. I opened my blinds in my room and the sunrise is currently shining in on me and I feel like such a productive morning person. :) ah, it's kind of blinding me actually. And i've got my latest obsession Ben Rector playing on my itunes and today is going to be a good day!

So the dining hall, I am going to go by myself and get breakfast right at 7! I think i need to do this because in my 2 years of living here with a dining plan, I have never once had breakfast. I feel I should experience at least one. So look at all the good coming out of my awful sleep schedule! :)

I have this theory that my life is really easy so I subconsciously make it harder by things like having bad sleep schedule, slacking in school...etc. It adds spice to my life. It adds pressure. Like if I slack in school, it makes it more of a challenge for me to do well. Of course that sounds stupid, but I believe I do it anyway! If life was perfect and routine and no surprises or mess-ups or stress, it'd be boring.

So I am about to enter into a transition in my life. I am about to turn school from "summer camp" to "adult life". In a little less than two weeks I will no longer live in a dorm!!!!! (excited about this) and i will no longer have a meal plan!!!! (not so excited about this. and I WILL HAVE A CAR!!!! (very excited about this!)

So forget that post that said I get a free dorm room with my job this summer because I definitely don't. but that's okay because I am super excited to be subleasing from Kaitlyn Ritchie (my friend and bible study leader) on East Campus! She has a cool apartment and I will be living with her roommate Jill. I am excited to like have a place that I can walk around in! And while i'm excited for having a kitchen and like not having to make plans with people to go to meals, I am scared out of my mind to cook for myself every single day. ahh! i can't make anything unless it is frozen. We will see how that goes. Also, since I am directionally challenged, I am a little nervous about learning Columbia's roads--even more scared to learn how to drive home by myself! ahh! Okay point being I am transitioning into an ADULT!!!!!

I had a 2 hour brief job training for my desk job yesterday and it went well. I don't think I am going to be getting as many hours as I had hoped, but it will all work out. I may think about getting another job though. My friend Colleen told me she is staying in Columbia this summer which i am SOOO excited about because her house will be right around the corner from me and her and I are big pool-goers so I will have a definite pool buddy:) I am so excited to RELAX this summer--I envision my summer right now as not having a care in the world, being completely stress free. :) yayyy can't wait! Okay I am going to go eat now!! thanks for reading!
Katie

Definition

my soul revealed:

So I have been thinking a lot about definition lately. The definition of us as humans sort of and who each person is supposed to be--how people define themselves. A lot of this has to do with seeing some of my girl friends find their definition in guys. A lot of this also has to do with my feelings of sort of setting up two lives for myself (my home life and my college life) and the conflict between the two.

A big revelation of mine lately that seems very common sense, but so many people get caught up in is the idea of role models and jealousy. Like basically how one day I can find myself saying "I want to be like that girl" then the next day saying the same thing about a girl with completely opposite characteristics. Whether it is clothing style or their confidence level or their personality. We all do it--sort of fantasize about what our lives would look like if we were more like certain people. Anyway, my point is that how can I try and be like all of those girls?! I can't! It is not only impossible, but exhausting! Life should not be about following others but inventing yourself. Not saying "how can I be more like that girl?", but "how can I be Katie?" I can pull characteristics from each girl, but still, it is exhausting figuring how each one lines up in my life.

The bigger picture that through good times, bad times, and rebellious times for me that keeps me grounded is that the ONLY consistent and completely rewarding role model is Jesus. Trying to live up to other girls is so unforgiving because it will never happen. I will never ever be that girl. Trying to live more like Jesus is not only rewarding, but makes you feel loved and beautiful and worthy of good things. He will never change. He will never judge you. He will always love you. His way of life is about love and forgiveness--it will never disappoint you.

Too often I have seen the story of a girl feeling like a guy defines them. I feel part of this is because they never really knew themselves before the man. Even without a boyfriend, men can consume girls. Why is that?? Why is it such a struggle to love ourselves? We don't believe it when our family tells us we're wonderful--they have to. We don't believe it when our friends tell us we're wonderful--they have to. We don't believe it when God tells us we're wonderful--He has to. But when a guy says we're wonderful, suddenly it means something? Why are we chasing boys when God is the one chasing us?? We all want that healthy, fulfilling relationship that is all about the guy making you want to be better person--making you desire to be the best possible version of yourself. God makes me want to be a better person, the best possible version of myself. We cannot begin to grasp how much he loves us because we don't love ourselves. "How can he love ME?" yet it is US that hold onto things--we take YEARS to forgive ourselves for things. but God forgives and FORGETS! He hates our shame and guilt and just wants to see us happy! Why do I have to re-realize this 50 times! When will I learn?? This is probably one of the most "home-hitting" things my pastor has ever said: "We worry about the things that we think define us, but once we realize we are defined as children of God, those things don't seem to matter much anymore." HOW TRUE! What do I worry about? grades, boys, how i look, friends, money.--because I think those things define me. and they don't. and that is the greatest news: I don't have to worry about anything because I've got the God of the universe on my side.

I guess you could say I am working on defining myself--not for other people, but for me. Not TO other people, but TO me. I was really broken hearted after everything with Young Life and leaving, whereas I almost feel like I broke up with God for a few months. I sadly felt the urge to run away from anything God related. I always knew deep down though that it was humans I was frustrated with, not God. I visited my friend Abby in Kansas City this past weekend and went to her church with her. Her pastor was AWESOME and said some great things that really hit home for me. I found myself thinking, "Wow, God is so much cooler than I thought." I sort of fell back in love with Him in a heartbeat and am slowly re approaching our relationship now with a fresh perspective of living a Christian life but still being Katie. Not being what Christians are "supposed" to look like. Figuring out a moderation of my two conflicting lives, which ultimately I know is what is best for me.

Anyway, man, i really bared my soul in this post and thanks for reading it :)
<3 Katie

look at me! i'm crafty!!

I haven't blogged in SOOOO long!!! I feel like I have had TONS of topics to write about but absolutely no motivation. It felt a little like a chore and I never want it to feel like that. I want to write when I truly feel inspired, not to say here's what i did. ya know? Anyway. I had to print out pictures for my art class because we were looking at our own photography. and since I had the pictures printed out, I just decided to whip up this masterpiece in about a half hour! :) I am getting closer to being creative geniuses like Abby Thomason and Joanna Cuamba!! yay me!! I put it on my wall which I realize is kind of dumb since I'm moving out in about 3 weeks but hey, it's worth it.
They are my favorite pictures I took while in Switzerland last summer! :)

taken care of

I just got an e-mail today saying that I GOT A JOB! A SUMMER JOB! the best summer job! I will be a desk attendant at Defoe-Graham dorm this summer (my ideal summer job). Also in the email it said that with having this job i will get a free single room for the summer! what?? that was not in the original job description! i really wanted to sublease at my friend's cool apartment, but I can't exactly pass up a free room! Maybe having my own room will like motivate me to leave it more often and be way more social? who knows. but anyway these past couple months i've felt really blessed! whether it be finding my perfect pair of flat in my size after months of searching, or not having any big tests so i was able to schedule a decent lengthed visit to see Anne or getting 2 AMAZING jobs in the past MONTH that are proving to be more than i even needed! (the pay on my proctor job was a nice surprise and now this "free room" perk with my new job!) I've just been being true to myself these past couple months and recognizing that when you thank God in your heart, it's more beautiful than any outward expression of worship. Like, you can talk the talk and walk the walk, but without truly being at peace with Him and yourself and his beautiful purpose and plan for your life...knowing that He is in control of all of it and giving up that control to him everyday....You will see that He wants to provide for you and he is able to do so. This quote kind of sums up what I've recently been experiencing: Don't try to fix everything in your life, but focus on God and everything will fix itself.

deets and pics of visiting anne coming soon! Katie

great and glorious

So it is 8:26am. I am on an awful sleep schedule...i slept from like 9-1 last night which then forced me to be awake all night, but i'm actually not mad about it because I did some stat studying for my exam monday! anyway, at around 6 I lay in bed listening to Bethany Dillon on my iPod. Since I can't fall asleep to music, I just soaked up her lyrics and relaxed as the sun starting streaming through my blinds. If you do not know Bethany Dillon's music--it's amazing. great lyrics, great voice, great to sing to. Me and Shena saw her in concert with Shane and Shane this summer! She has a big voice for such a tiny girl.


One of my favorite songs of hers is this:


After laying and listening and trying to think about God's love in different things...I started thinking about this video that Bianca showed me a few months ago. It is so powerful that it made me cry! and when i watched it second time it made me cry again! I love it not only because of the message, but because at Summer Staff, we sang the song that it is set to: Everything by Lifehouse. Lifehouse is one of those mainstream Christian bands that is not outwardly Christian. I like how the song builds...it's really beautiful. I've posted the video and I'd love for you guys to watch it and then comment what you think because I've never gotten to talk to anyone about it besides Bianca. If you watch it, make sure to watch it til the end! Okay have a beautiful day :) Katie

here and there!

1. I just signed up for a 5th class for the fall. It's called "Life and Letters of Paul". I've never taken a religious studies class at mizzou but this professor sounds good and i could use a little bible history education. So i'm kind of looking forward to it now--i know i will regret saying that later.

2. These are my 2 favorite songs to listen to on my walks to class to. I listen to them on my iPod and i look around at all the students walking and the beauty of nature and 1. I feel like I live in the 70's and it's great and 2. they are just such "happy" songs that my day just brightens a little bit. I love Simon and Garfunkel's ability to be either be super happy or super sad. They just fit you whatever mood! And their harmony is like food to my soul haha.


This is like the happiest song ever. I LOVE IT!! i love how the beggining goes "jeep its great to be back home! :)" it's like the song just starts off saying "hey, i'm gonna make ya really happy"

This one is a little more chill, but gives you an equally great feeling inside :)


3. The weather has been amaaaaazing lately. I can have a really crappy day, yet I am like filled with happiness still because it's soo beautiful that you can't possibly stay in a bad mood. Like I am 10 times happier in warm weather than cold. (i know that's like an actual condition/problem...i think i secretly have Seasonal Affective Disorder). My optimistic attitude in the warm weather I have already noticed is allowing me to see a lot of little good things in life. Like bad little things will happen, but now i'm noticing the good things so i forget about the bad things! In conclusion, I should not live in cold weather when I am older.

4. I can't belieeeeeve my life in the few weeks. Literally the next 3 weeks are insanely awesome. Next week, I visit Anne!(my bff since 1st grade. lives a block away from me in rochester. we have the same hair.) I have never even traveled with a friend before other than to Anne's cabin. But just to think we will be hanging out in a hotel and exploring Kansas City all by ourselves for 3 days is so0o0 exciting! Not to mention St. Patty's Day is next Wed so we get to celebrate that together. AND I get to see her skate in her show FO FREE! I have been waiting to see this show for 2 years and the day is finally here!! I get to finally see the Rafiki costume, I get to finally see her as ARIEL! doing PAIRS! LIFTS WITH A GUY! what?!? yeah, I know, she's a superhero. I bought by megabus tickets today so the trip is officially on:) Let the fun begin!

Anne skates with Disney on Ice and her tour is coming to Kansas City. I like to tell myself my bff is a celebrity...and brag at any chance I get.

Also0o0o, in two weeks from this Saturday I will be on my way to New Orleans for spring break!!! I am going with 11 other mizzou students (who i've met like 4 times, but they're all really fun and funny and nice soo i'm extremely excited). We are working with the United Saints Recovery program down there. We will mostly be painting houses i think...i'll let ya know what we did after the trip haha (and post pics!) but anywayyy I feel like I am so physically unprepared for this! I need to work out. Is that sad that I think I will be sore after a day of PAINTING?? :/ shoot. work out is officially on my to do list.. I do not know how I am going to pack lightly for this trip...apparently we are all stuffing into a 12 person van for a 12-16 (nobody really knows) hour long bus ride down there?? Yeah, if i don't know my team members now, i will suuuurely get to know them when one of their legs is on my lap and my armpit is in their face. Can't waaaait. :( hahah. oh and I get carsick soo pray for me! hahaha.

Katie and Bianca make a documentary!

It's official. Bianca is staying in Columbia this summer and I could not be happier!!! She was debating it for a little bit, but is definitely staying now. YAY! She is going to get an on campus job and live on campus so we won't be living together, but with tons of friends going home this summer, it was fab news to know one of my best friends is staying! Last night this went down:

Katie: We eat so much food. I can't believe Plaza is stocked to feed tons of food to people 3 times a day!!
Bianca: You question things a lot...
Katie: hahah i knowwwww story of my liiife..
Bianca: You should make a documentary
Katie: YEAH!!!
Bianca: let's make one this summer.
Katie: YEAH!!!!!!!!!

and so it began....the quest for an interesting topic for this documentary is happening right now so any ideas are welcome! we obviously want it to be something fun and interesting!! but i'm excited! :)

Kansas City thoughts?

Why are my Kansas City friends leaving me?!?
Abby, you had an excuse...i guess i had to allow you to graduate. still sucked though. (and currently sucks). Allyson, YOU HAVE NO EXCUSES! you can't just leave. if you leave i will have no friends here left from freshman small group! What is so great about Kansas City? pfft. Fine. just leave, just LEAVE!

alright...needed to get that out.

Speaking of what is so great about Kansas City...guess who will find out in 2 weeks!!!!! MEEEEE!! and guess who I will be visiting there?! ANNE FREAKIN SHELLUM! KHRKHGKA;LHDFGKJDHAFKH *peeing my pants/crying tears in happiness!!!!* The details are still in the works, but I will be getting the "disney experience" while skipping about 3 days of school oops! at the end of March. And she might be able to come here for 2 days to see mizzou and come to class with me! i wanna cry just thinking about it..haha. I painted my nails purple tonight with glitter--made me think of you anne (horrible color choices for funsies). Okay so i just burst in anger and then happiness...am i bipolar? bye! :) Katie

Plato's Closet

It is 3:03am i realize, but i napped allll day because it was raining allll day which everyone knows makes for great naps! So I'm pretty awake right now and haven't blogged in awhile. I thought I'd share this writing assignment I had to do for my News Writing class. We had to go somewhere we've never been before and write a description of it--to practice our "description writing." I had always seen cute styles sported from this place called Plato's Closet. It's a clothing exchange store here. Carla and I decided to go there on Valentine's day...nothin' else to do!! So here is the end product: p.s. I got an A+ :)

Walking into Plato’s closet for the first time is like walking into a girl’s closet, but not just any girl—a girl with obsessive-compulsive disorder. There are racks of used clothes everywhere, perfectly organized by color so the store is essentially one giant rainbow. The red clothes fade into the orange clothes, the orange clothes fade into the yellow clothes. Bits of other colors peek out and break up the solidarity of each section. The smell of fresh cigarette smoke hits me as I walk up and down the rows of clothes. It’s coming from the woman browsing the jeans selection next to me. Many women search for the ideal bargain with their small children running freely throughout the store. I take a minute and ponder how the sections are set up. Simple “S”, “M” and “L” tags are sparsely scattered throughout the racks. I want to grab everything because it’s all so cheap, yet I don’t want to touch anything because I don’t know where it’s been—used clothing can be a bit of a surprising adventure. Finding jaw dropping outdated styles, scratchy fabrics, and unidentified stains are all among the discoveries waiting to be uncovered in a store like Plato’s closet. I begin in the jeans section. The hangers screech as I push the crowded bundle of jeans back along the rack to allow space to sort through them. There are so many outdated styles that I quickly flip through them earning me an intense workout. My right bicep is burning as I make it halfway down the long rack. A little girl runs past me and stops to stare in awe at my arm full of jeans. The heavy denim is weighing my arm down so much that I feel like it’s going to snap off. After trying on my clothes in the dressing room I discover that overwhelmingly cheap stores with extreme variety in their selection are too good to be true. Out of all of the clothes I tried on, I only decided to purchase a loose-fit “Grandpa sweater.” The navy blue, Lacoste brand sweater would normally sell for over a hundred dollars, but Plato’s closet sold it to me for a mere $12. The unique thing about this clothing exchange store is that upon entering, you get the sense that it is highly organized and clean. “Wow, this must be an upscale used clothing store! Not like those dirty ones I’ve been to in the past!” I think to myself. It even has comfy leather chairs by the dressing rooms. Quickly enough though, I realize used clothing is used clothing and whether it’s organized in a beautiful rainbow or a sprawled out in a sloppy mess, it all offers the same experience—high hopes for a bargain in the beginning, a little disgust and disappointment in the middle and a unique find for a steal price in the end.

My "unique find for a steal price"! :)

I GOT A JOB!!!

You are reading the blog of an official "Evening Exam Proctor for the Disability Services Office at the University of Missouri" :) :) :) Yay! okay, this normally is not a big deal except 1. I've been looking for a job for 2 months and have applied everywhere.. and 2. this is like the most perfect job for me ever! I will be giving mostly ADD students their tests at night in the Disability Services office. I will just set them up with their test and then I monitor them in an office on a screen to see if they're cheating. But while i'm in the office I can study or go on the computer or eat! So great :) I work alone in the office too...the entire disability services office will be run by me at night...haha oh geez! responsibility! I'm soo excited though. On top of the job seeming totally awesome and chill, it pays really well!! all i gotta say is praise jesus because i went from applying at DOMINOES pizza hahah to better than i could imagine job--and i haven't even started yet. I will work between 5 and 10 Monday through Thursday (When evening exams are offered). So no weekends or late nights or early mornings...I could go on forever, but I won't. so praise jesus for this job yeah!? Actually, I WILL praise jesus for this job because i've got Gospel Choir tonight 8) yessss. :D

Katie

gifts from a creative genius

Who might this creative genius be?? Her name is Abby Thomason and you could call her Martha Stewart--but better cuz she wouldn't go to jail. Abby was my bible study leader freshman year of college and we've been bff's ever since! :) Sadly, Abby graduated this past December and I miss her so0o0o much! She has always been such a great role model and friend to me so it's really sad that I can't call her up anymore to hang out and have long conversations about the women we want to be! :( <3 love that. Anyway, last year, Abby made me a beautiful Christmas present...a knitted hat! yeah, who knows how to knit?! Abby. I was reading her blog last week and she wrote about these super cute flower hair pins she was making! So crafty!! (cough like joanna cuamba crafty cough). In her blog Abby was like "who wants one!?" so greedy little me is all like "UMM I DO!" so0o0o she made me two white ones! :D The best part is, she's coming to Columbia this week so I will get the special delivery in person!! YAY! Did I mention Abby loves to bake and wants to go to pastry school so she can open her own bakery!?!?! like I said, creative genius. Here are some pics of the handmade hat and the flowers she's going to give me! :) i'm so lucky.

Cute little hair flowers! I can't wait to wear them...She's already proving they can be rocked in curly hair :)





knitted hat! I try...

Katie goes to the hospital...

So two nights ago at 3 in the morning i was having pressure all of a sudden in my chest. I had to put in effort to take in big breaths. It felt like someone was pressing on my chest and when I would breathe out, it felt like my chest would keep exhaling until in caved in. It was really scared and at 3 in the morning you get kind of paranoid that you're gonna die! So I called the mayo clinic 24 hour nurse line to talk to someone:) haha I didn't want to wake anyone in case it was, in fact, nothing. Then I called my mom after the nurse told me she would suggest I go to the E.R. She said that'd be safest so we could rule out "heart problems" (scary!). So I called my mom and she calmed me to sleep. The next day the pressure was on and off all day...I was planning on ignoring it until I went to gospel choir practice and singing like HURT my chest. I got worried and it was only 8pm so I figured I should just get it checked out. My wonderful roommate and bff4lyfe Bianca walked with me a block to the University Hospital. (How convenient right?). At the E.R. they immediately hooked me up to an EKG machine which has lots of wires and stickers on your body and tracks your heart rate. I felt like a science experiment...especially when i have a grad student running this on me...a GUY grad student that put stickers all over my CHEST! soo awkward anddd funny because Bianca witnessed it all. "hey aren't cha gonna buy her dinner first?" was what bianca was thinking...she told me. anywho, after that, they drew blood! UMM i don't do needles...I don't donate blood during mizzou blood drives on account of alllll the pale white weakling sorority girls i see collapse in dining halls during blood drive week. no thank you. but with Bianca's hand in mine...(sorry i sweated all over you girl) i did it and it was only a pinch! :) After that they decided to give me an X-Ray. Oh did I mention she inserted an IV into my arm!? like whaaaa? i'm only here for chest pain! I did not realize the E.R. ran soo differently/more serious than normal doctor. After all this, Bianca and I waited for like an hour in the room just cracking jokes to pass the time.(We might have sang a couple choir songs softly..) She even got on some blue rubber gloves and blew into a white rubber glove to turn it into a balloon...so mature. Then after the wait, my man doctor comes in and says "I have no idea what's wrong with you, but it's nothing terrible. Your tests turned out fine." YAY! I asked him if he would think it was anxiety and he said he didn't think so...he thinks I just injured myself somehow...I blame big laundry baskets. This did not feel like pain though, but pressure soo strained muscles must be different in your chest. We got to go home and now I still have the pressure in my chest as I write this but at least I can take comfort in knowing it's not something horrible! And hey, got a mini adventure out of it right?! Here's a couple pics Bianca snagged on her phone...

Me as a human science experiment... wires everywhere!


Admiring the heart monitor...so grey's anatomy..

Changes

Just a quick post before bed! I have decided to leave Young Life leadership. I have many reasons for this but the bottom line is--I gotta figure myself out apart from that ministry and I'm totally confident that is what God wants me to do right now! :) I'm very peaceful about my decision and have learned sooo much in the past year and a half doing YL in college. I've learned so much about MYSELF! Oh my goodness. I see purpose in e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. This is one of those things that I needed to let go of to go down a new and exciting path with God leading the way! I am so grateful for all of the people that allowed me to talk through this decision with them over the past two months. You are all amaaazing and I love how supportive of me you all are. God's going to grow me big time this upcoming year. I just had my first official bible study of the semester tonight and I'm excited a few new girls are joining including Emily Spain :) We are looking at the book "Counterfeit Gods" by Tim Keller. I am excited to go through this book because it's soo relatable to everyday life and I think this group of girls is truly seeking to learn what this book has to offer.

Don't ever get comfortable. Don't ever be too comfortable to move to the next place God wants you. A guest pastor yesterday at church spoke about God's timing (perfect right?) and said, "God says 'Don't be afraid' right before he makes big changes in your life." What peace he provides!

Katie

A day of New things!

Today, I have done/will do lots of new things! I just realized this on the walk back to my room after making my plans for tonight. First, I started my new psychology class! (for my NEW minor psychology! no more french!) It's called Social Development in Childhood. Seems like a good class! Then I go onto my Social Psychology class soo I actually have 3 straight hours of psychology aaand I don't know anyone in either class so it's kind of boring and I text people because I don't like that I can't talk for 3 hours haha. I will just have to make a friend or two. ANYWAY, after my News class this afternoon, I talked with my friend Laura and she told me about her job at the "Tiger Calling Club". You just call people on a list and ask if they want to donate to Mizzou. She said there's a good chance for me to be hired! ( I need a job so0o bad). Soo that is my NEW job prospect! Then tonight oh my goodness, I am going with Bianca to GOSPEL CHOIR PRACTICE. hahah. um the best part is that it is associated with LBC a.k.a. Legion of BLACK Collegiates. Their concerts are amaazing and make you want to be in it and so she said I could be in it because anyone can! and Hey, I wouldn't be the first cuz there's 1 white girl in it already. I will just see what it's all about tonight :) Then after thaaat i'm headng to Advertising club with Bre! I am an advertising major and figure I should check this club out! I've always wanted to be in it, but I thought they had their meetings during Young Life..guess they don't anymore! Soo i'm gonna check that out. Then..(these next things aren't new) i'm gonna go to Veritas cuz they're talking about C.S. Lewis tonight! He has the best like phrases...realizations...summarys of ideas..in Christianity and he just makes a lot of sense, so i'm excited to see what new favorite quotes of C.S. Lewis come out of the night. Then it's off to Carla's to go over possible NEW housing for next year! alright, i'm even annoying myself with the whole capitalized NEW thing. "you've won a NEWWW CAAAR" is going off in my head. Okayy peace to you! :) Katie

THE DANCE

Man it's been a rough day! Watching this makes me laugh. I promised myself I wouldn't put this on facebook, but I can put it on here because about 4 people read this. haha. Enjoy!
Katie

First Day!

So it begins: spring semester. i'm taking five classes. 2 are gonna kick my butt (french 4 and News writing) and 3 should be breezy. I had a jam packed first day! I started out going to social psychology lecture where somehow I don't know a single person in this 400 person class...awesome. Then I went to lunch with Carla and next onto News lab with Bre! News might've scared the crap out of me. The prof seems pretty great, however, the actually content of the class includes things like a VIDEO INTERVIEW and tons of writing assignments...like ARTICLE writing. shoot. The minute my prof said our whole class of about 20 would be watching our recorded video interviews...ME...GIVING AN INTERVIEW...i'm advertising not broadcast! My entire body was encased with fear--the same kind that froze my body in Acting for Non-Majors. I hate performing...especially in front of classmates...strangers. Whatever, gotta keep a positive attitude! ha. After class, I walked around downtown with Eden for about 3 hours getting job applications at anywhere that was hiring. I'm getting residency here this year so I need to get a job and make a certain amount of "bank" to be able to qualify. I suprised myself with where I applied, but hey-I'm desperate. A job is a job. After job hunting, me and Eeds went to dinner and THEN I went to the rec center with Bianca to work out! yes, me, katie hayes worked out. and guess what? it was the SECOND TIME THIS WEEK! (and it's only tuesday!) yeah i'm on a roll. My motivation stemmed from me almost having an asthma attack when making up a dance with Cassidy over Christmas break...we literally were dancing for about 30 minutes and I couldn't breathe. haha. I knew something was wrong. So now that I'm actually scared for my health I've decided to work out more--mostly cardio, but I'm tryin' to get some nice biceps too 8) So anywayy I ran a whole MILE tonight! 6 laps! and that was right when we got there! like a mile was my warm up! Just call me Michael Phelps cuz I'm a beast. Actually, Bianca is the beast...after running we worked out on the mats doing like abs and what not and she is intense. Good thing she's my roommate so I can just have a lil personal trainer anytime :) After that packed day I came back to my room to watch The Bachelor from last night--too much drama/opinions to put on here--and eat a peice of cheesecake from plaza:) All in all, it was a great first day...a LONG first day. Now about that 9a.m. french tomorrow...Lord help me.

Katie

cassidymaeties

I was thinking about cassidy tonight...how she is truly indescribable to anyone that doesn't know her. When I first came to college I found myself telling Cassidy stories all the time. By the end of my story my newfound friends were either disgusted or confused. "she pooped on a plate?! eww WHY!" or "I gotta meet this girl." were common responses. All you Rochester friends know how hard it is to describe Cassidy to your college friends too...she is like a mystical creature. Now some of my college friends ask about her just because they were so intruiged with my first stories. That is the thing about Cassidy...she is so intruiging. Whether she is doing something unbelievably unlady-like or being a friend to a misfit--this girl can capture people's attention. She has a heart for others like I've never seen and is willing to embarass herself to the highest of extremes (ex: edward cullen, poop on a plate, solo performance in talent show, "AND I LIKE FARTING IN THE VACCUUM", most pictures on facebook etc.) She is an overcomer. <3 I am so blessed to say that Cass is one of my best friends. Cassidymaeties seemed to be a suitable start to a blog about my life--she's a huge part of it! :) I love and miss you girl!

Stay BadAzzCazz,

Katie

bienvenue a ma vie...

soo if anyone is wondering why I decided to make a blog...it's because of the inspiring Joanna Cuamba! :) Her blog is like a little dose of insight with beauuuutiful pictures (if i put up pictures, they won't compare..) and I get a little catch-up on her life. I really appreciate her blog! So I can't really say what this blog is going to bring, but I have a lot of random thoughts as well as want to give my friends/family in far away places the opportunity to check in on me at anytime! My first post is going to be about something I know well and love: cassidymaeties.