Somewhat of a drought.

Man I have so many idols in my life it is ridiculous!!! I would say the two main ones would be technology and boys. By idols I mean these are things that I idolize and think will bring me happiness....things that replace God essentially. The saying, "Don't try to fix your problems and fit God in there too somewhere, but focus on God and everything will fix itself," has been going in one ear and out the other lately. I know that is what I need to be doing, yet I still look to many other things besides God to give me fulfillment in life. I am reading a book called Authentic Beauty and it is mostly about how to grow into a deep, close relationship with God and like focus your life around that closeness. When I read the book I want that relationship with God so badly, but then later I find myself concerned once again with the small, usually not important, worries of life. It is kind of crazy that it is hard for me to draw close to God because when I do...I am never disappointed. I am actually overjoyed. I feel true love in my heart and worthy of love and all good things. Maybe I am sick of experiencing that joy and then losing it time after time by inevitably getting buried in the world. Kind of like I know the high won't last longer than a day, a week, a month, so why have it at all? Or maybe it is because I say I want to draw near to Him, but I don't really. Not as much as I think I do. It's like I need a reason--a real low in my life to really truly seek God. That's the biggest thing I want to work on right there, seeking God everyday for how to live my life, not just calling on him when I am in need. I think the fact that it is Christmas break is motivating this whole post because break is a time to be lazy...not think about anything...but I really need to thank God for this time that he has given me an entire month to seek him with barely any outside distractions like school or jobs. There are a few books I want to read and I also want to dig into my new bible :) Let's hope I learn a little discipline.

Anywayyy, sorry for the "depressing struggle post". Just my thoughts out loud.
:) It's all good.
Katie