My mind is speeding in a whirlwind of thoughts. I have had so many revelations and desires recognized over the past couple of days that it is hard to stay sane when I need to express them all in some format! The best way I figure is using my blog! This is going to be a mixed up jumble of thoughts and I hope you enjoy the ride of what it's like to be inside my brain for a few minutes.
I've concluded that I make my friends and connect with people the best not based on how similar we are, but by the depth of our minds. The way that I can talk with some friends and they are on my same level, the bigger picture level, is almost intoxicating to me. I am completely opposite from some of my friends, but in those friends we are connected by the simple fact that we can talk for hours about LIFE! If I never have deep conversations with people, that's where I've found friendships not lasting. Just, my overall point is to recognize people's minds and how they think about life and their overall perspective and not focus so much on "what they do".
My most favorite thing to do in the world is have deep conversations with people that I have just met. I despise small talk. When I meet someone for the first time, I want to KNOW them, not know about them. Is this making any sense to you? I want to know how they FEEL about things not what they think I want to hear. I have met a few people lately that have just been so awesome and we got into great conversation right off that bat, so I'm really like excited from all of that still. One thing I have been learning for the past few years and learning to ACCEPT is that sometimes awesome people that you have great conversation with right away are only meant to be in your life for possibly that one conversation. Or one night. Or one week. That is sooo hard for me to accept because I want to learn more about the person or see them again, but maybe I was just meant to learn something from them and move on.
I am learning that life is not about the specifics of things but what you learn along the journey. It's kind of funny, but my blog is teaching me this. I clearly get very honest and personal doing these posts, but like being censored about some specific situations that I'm referring to helps me to clearly look at the lessons I'm learning. I don't feel the need to explain the exact situation that taught me each thing and get lost in the story: It's all about the lesson learned.
I've noticed a lot lately how filled with media and technology my life is!! (Duh. i love facebook). But like it's really hitting me how I need to use these things less. Where did I learn this? The shower. Usually I listen to music when I shower. But the past 2 showers I've had, I didn't and this is where all these thoughts came from!! Well not all of them, but oh my goodness my life somehow gets miraculously figured out in the silence of a shower! Why do I insist on bringing technology into EVERY. SINGLE. PART. OF MY LIFE.! It's such a distraction!! Like I decided today, the next state that I want to live in is Colorado. Why? Because it's naturally BEAUTIFUL and SERENE and PEACEFUL! The thing is that my life could be all of those things now, if I were to take advantage of things like a beautiful day or a coffee shop downtown, or a blanket in a park. instead of tv, facebook, music. It was like a light bulb went off in my head "Katie, you CAN IN FACT BE that "hipster blogger" in a coffee shop". Granted, there may not be beautiful mountains in the distance, but still! Something else that got me thinking about this was seeing a preview for an upcoming movie today on tv. Basically in the preview, little old Betty White's character says "look me up on facebook! or on the twitter!" ....hearing that made me sick. I literally thought "Nooo, don't destruct poor old Betty White with our stupid 21st century technology crap!! She comes from a simpler time!!!!" I am actually envious of the old days where none of this tempting technology crap ruined human interaction. Seems like an easier time (even though all of these things would have us believe it's easier to live now). My friend Abby did this 24 hour alone time thing where she didn't use any technology for 24 hours and just basically read books and her bible and thought about her thoughts. I would love to do something like that...my goal for this week is to spend one day outside/downtown being productive with schoolwork, or journaling, or bible studying. Something that connects me to the world physically, not cyber-ly. (yes i made that word up.)
I have said before that I am working on myself, but I truly feel like I am working on myself and will work on myself this semester. Hard. I'm really figuring out the way that I work and it's become such a focus in my life. I KNOW that I am going to be able to overcome my anxieties. It's going to take a lot of work, but I am really going to try to prioritize it.
This whole post is super honest and open but i feel like life is about being REAL. I want the people I care about to really KNOW me, not know the outer shell that I choose to show them. I don't think life is about creating a "legacy" in the world, but I will die happy if I truly feel like the people I love really know me and the kind of person that I am. One of my biggest fears is for the people I love to feel like they didn't really know me or what was going on with me. and when I say me, I mean my heart, not my daily activities. Everybody should share their heart with their loved ones. My blog is a way for me to do that in a way that is organized (I express myself way better in writing than speaking), and honest. I don't always have the time to catch everyone up on my life and soo I just love this thing.
Alright! Well I will leave you with this awesome verse that has been pretty meaningful to me lately:
Romans 8:18- I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
Thanks for reading all of that :) <3 Katie
