Rhythmless

No rhythm to this poem, but I still like to call it one.

How deep do you go?
Do you dive into the depths and dare to swim with the sharks?
Do you float on the surface with the other lonely hearts?
Where do you search for the answers to life?
Is it atop the mountains tall?
Beneath the greatest waterfall?
Do you see the stream that's strung throughout?
Whether the highest high or the lowest doubt.
It's intertwined, the web we sew.
It's the journey we take, it's the journey we grow.

God-Orchestrated Friendships

Lately I've been thinking about how crazy it is that God has provided me with friends who go through the exact same things as me. Some of these things are expected because of course people your age are going to be going through the same things, but these few instances were unique where I found myself really thanking God that someone was REALLY going through the EXACT same thing and I just knew that God provided this specific friend for me in each specific moment.

Abby and I enjoying delicious milkshakes from Winsten's (Kansas City)

Back in February, my good friend and loyal blog reader, Abby, started dating a guy. He wasn't really into the whole faith thing and so even though she really really liked him, she broke things off. At the same time, I was dating someone who was a lot older than me and I could really relate to her. We both experienced our families not wanting us to be in these relationships and other people not understanding why we were in them. But we really REALLY liked these guys. I mean these were our first relationships! I am just so thankful that God provided me with a friend who was not only supportive, but truly understood my feelings at that time and could tell me stories of her own that helped me know I was not alone. Love you Abby!!!

Bre and I at Senior Sendoff! (Mizzou)

I met my friend, Bre, freshman year of college in the dorms. We had the same major (Strategic Communication) and hit it off right away. The Lord has completely used Bre as my career-support friend. Not only did we go through the Journalism school together, sharing classes and even group projects along the way, but we both struggled through job hunting for the exact same amount of time. I'm talking EXACT same amount of time. Bre got her job offer on a Friday and I got mine the following Monday. It was just SO crazy to me that my one college friend who I most closely related to career- wise had the exact same path as I did. When I wanted to complain about job hunting--she was there. When I was going out on interviews and getting rejected--she could relate. When I celebrated my job offer--she celebrated hers! And now we both have jobs and we get to chat on Gchat during the day which provides mental support throughout the day! So thankful for her friendship!

Anna and I exploring Sloss Furnace (Birmingham)

Another unique time I have felt God completely orchestrated a friendship was with one of my newest friends, Anna. We met each other in the weirdest way and felt like best friends instantly! Before I moved to Birmingham, I had my friend, Hunter, send out an email at his college asking if anyone needed a roommate (for me to live with.) Well, I never found a roommate and moved into a great one bedroom apartment complex called Terrace. I got a text from a random number a week after living here from someone asking if I still needed a roommate. It was Anna. After texting a couple more times, I convinced her that SHE should get a one bedroom at Terrace--and she did! I met her the night she moved in and we hit it off right away. We have so much in common. She has traveled A LOT, done mission trips, is 22 and single, and is super independent and adventurous. Right before I met Anna, I had been feeling like I didn't have any friends in Birmingham and found myself bored on the weekends, but after her and I became friends, we have done so much together! She is always up for exploring the city or going to Railroad Park. We even found a church and small group that we attend together. I think people at church think we are attached at the hip and although we sort of are, it's weird to think I've only known her for 3 and a half months. Anna is just one of the main people/things about Birmingham that I can CLEARLY see God provided for me. Some days I'm still really confused I ended up here and what my purpose is in Birmingham, but it is easy to stay and figure it out when God keeps providing for me along the journey.


Thanks for reading! :)
-Katie

"Following Instinct"

I watched a TED Talk from TEDxTeen (talks directed toward teens) like a month ago and I wrote my notes about it on a piece of paper that has been in my purse getting wrinkly and water on it so now it is blotchy with ink and practically unreadable. I figure I should transfer the great insight from the video into a more permanent medium. Like my blog!:) Basically this woman went to Thailand when she was like a senior in high school and at the end of the two week trip with her classmates, she decided at the airport gate that she wanted to stay in Thailand and she didn't know what she would do or how she would make money, but it's what she wanted to do in that moment and she ended up staying for like a year or two and did some big researching and reporting work there. Prior to going to Thailand, she had made a pro and con list of which college she should go to and which major she should study--laying out a predictable life as any senior in high school would do. Then she ended up randomly going to Thailand and staying there for an amazing adventure. Her spontaneity was very inspiring! It is a great reminder that we shouldn't always be thinking about life and "next big steps" within the box of what's expected of us to do, but if we want an adventure, to go out and have one!  Here is the link to the video if you care to watch! (It's 17 min long.)

"Following Instinct" by Amaryllis Fox

-Things don't occur to you while you do them but they DO occur to your subconscious. Your brain pulls things like 'comfort with unfamiliar places' from other experiences in life and convicts you to do things that you wouldn't be able to process and decide yourself. Your subconscious brain is smarter than your conscious brain. It kicks in when your conscious brain is overwhelmed.

-The most authentic life isn't going to be found at the end of a 'pro's and con's' list.

5 reasons you should journal.

My awesome friend Abby made a list of 26 things she learned at age 26. I decided to make a list of something i'm passionate about...journaling! I believe everyone should journal. Just look at Facebook and Twitter! People have so many emotions and thoughts that they are craving to express. Some people express too much on those sites and that is why I want to yell at them "YOU NEED A JOURNAL!" :) just kidding. Anyway, I'm planning on volunteering at this non-profit in Birmingham this Fall called Desert Island Supply Co. which runs writing workshops for kids. I am just passionate about the fact that everyone should journal and I would love to teach a workshop about journaling to kids. Or poetry. That would be cool too. Or copywriting. Anyway, here's the list:

1. You make discoveries as you write. As you lay your thoughts and problems out on a page in front of you, it becomes easier to see the solutions.

2. Your mind is clearer afterward. You release all those built up thoughts, emotions and feelings in your head that have been bogging you down or flying around like 20 golden snitches that you just can't capture. (Harry Potter, anyone?)

3. It is something for yourself. We do our best writing when it is for ourselves and not for others--when we aren't worrying about how it will be received or being too vulnerable or who it may offend. When we write only for ourselves, it reminds us that our feelings should be only for ourselves, never bending to fit anyone else's expectations. (Especially important for those who have a "people pleaser" personality.)

4. It is peaceful. Nobody can journal and hear their thoughts while multitasking. In a world that's constantly moving, it is a treasure when we can actually take the time to slow down and process our thoughts, feelings and emotions--when we can write them all out and see if we find any meaning in them.

5. You don't have to be a good writer. Whether you think you suck at writing or not, everyone can benefit from writing out their feelings. Even if you list one word emotions you are feeling that day or make pro/con lists, that is still therapeutic. And no matter your approach to journaling you will always be surprised by how much you learned about yourself. Answers just reveal themselves as soon as information is organized. It is awesome.

Some of my favorite things to journal about are a list of things i'm grateful for, ways I see God working in my life and ways I see God working in the lives of people I know. The hardest things about journaling besides finding the time to slow down and actually do it is facing your own thoughts. Sometimes you are struggling with something and you just don't want to face it yet. You know that once you write it on the page, it becomes real and you can't deny it anymore (or push that thought to the back of your mind). Once you do the hard work of being completely honest in your writing though, that is when you reap the rewards: the wisdom you never knew you had...the solutions to your latest problems...the release of emotions making your mind clearer for tomorrow. It is all worth it in the end.

My DIY Disaster.

So I saw a cool idea for a homemade chalkboard on a blog and thought it looked easy. A simple transformation of an old, ugly picture and frame! Well, I should’ve remembered the tedious Dresser Makeover that my parents and I did before I moved down to Birmingham (#spraypaintproblems). Anyway, I did not remember this and decided I wanted to make a big chalkboard for my huge white wall.

So my friend Anna and I went out thrifting this past Saturday. First stop was Good Will where I found just what I was looking for! A huge square picture with a decent frame and ugly picture! Perfect for only 15 bucks.

Next, we needed to go to Lowe’s to get magnetic AND chalkboard paint. I was told there was a paint that could do both of these things in one. But when I got to Lowe’s, they told me they are separate paints. The magnetic one was $20! (uhh no thank you!) and the chalkboard spray paint was $6. (do-able).

So we googled in the store if it really works to paint the magnetic paint THEN a coat of chalkboard paint, and the results were mixed. We came across a lady online who said she had just painted a piece of sheet metal with chalkboard paint to achieve both. So we checked out the sheet metal. There was one that was the PERFECT size for my frame (Yes, I lugged my frame into the store from the car just to check) and it was only $11!

Disaster #1: At the checkout, turns out the sheet metal was in the wrong spot in the store and it was actually $26!!! I bought it in the heat of the moment, but as I was walking to the car, I started getting angry I was going to spend $45 on a DIY project when I have turned down BUYING things for that price that could fill my wall. So with Anna’s patience and encouragement, I went back inside and returned the sheet metal. Making the board magnetic was NOT worth $26. I can just tape pictures to it if I want.

Disaster #2: So I get home, all excited and ready to start my big project. Shake my spray paint can and IT NEVER RATTLES. Called my mom to complain and she tells me it must be broken and I need to return it. “NOOOOOOOO!” I was all hot and sweaty and the Lowe’s was a 15 minute drive and I had been running around all dayyyy! I did not want to go back to the store. But it kept hanging over my head and I was set on doing my project that night so I went.

After I got home with my new paint, I spray painted indoors over a tarp. 

Disaster #3: Apparently that paint goes everywhere and although I thought I was stepping on clean parts of the tarp….THE BOTTOMS OF MY FEET WERE BLACK AND STICKING TO MY CARPET! Thank God I didn’t have black footprints on my carpet or I would’ve cried. (I should note I made it through this project without any tears. Came close once though.)

So after I was done with like 4 coats of spray paint, I spent 2 HOURS using nail polish remover and cotton balls getting paint off the bottom of my feet. And it STILL didn’t even all come off.

Disaster #4: As I was cleaning my feet, I knocked over the bottle of nail polish remover onto my LAPTOP! I picked it up immediately to drip the liquid off of it into the sink and then wiped it down with a Kleenex. It seemed fine, thank God, but I have NEVER spilled anything on my laptop before. Must’ve been the stress boiling beneath the surface from this frustrating hellish night.

The spray paint looked all streaky, but at this point, I did not care. I hated this project. I did another spray paint coat in the morning then spent the afternoon painting the frame. It turned out great and the streaks sort of went away when it dried. All I have left to do is set the paint with chalk and hope to God it works!!

All in all, I learned that I am not made to do crafts. It is not my personality to enjoy making things. Writing? Yes. Making music and singing with my uke? Yes. Anything with paint and/or patience? Nope. This is also why I hate cooking. I hate making something that takes time and energy to MAYBE turn out cool/delicious when I could just go buy something I already love. I am not good at following directions and I am not good at having the patience to make sure all the details are right.

So through this project, I made a vow: I will not do another craft for 5 years. I also vowed to never use spray paint again in my life. (This is the common demon in the dresser and the chalkboard.)

I am jealous of those who are crafty, but I will never be crafty. I was not designed to be crafty. I was designed to pay my crafty friends for their wonderful work!

Xoxo Katie

Maddie.

My sweet little Maddie girl passed away Monday morning, April 22. I have never understood the grief of losing a pet until now. It is the hardest and saddest thing to see your sweet little dog who used to pounce around like a bunny, turn into a bony, lifeless, helpless little victim huffing and puffing her last breaths trying to hold onto life. I wanted to write down all of my favorite memories with her to keep her in my heart forever. I also looked up some pet loss quotes online and they helped me a lot. Just to know that every dog owner has gone through or will have to go through the same thing makes me feel not so alone.

My Favorite Memories with Maddie:

- Getting the letter in the mail at Girl Scout camp that my parents had gotten Fargo (her name before we renamed her) and asked me if I liked the name Madison (Maddie for short). I remember I wasn't crazy about the name Madison but once I read "Maddie" I loved it!

-The picture of me meeting Maddie when I came home from Girl Scout camp (4th grade). My parents brought her with to pick me up. I'm wearing a Girl Scout t-shirt in the picture. I looked for the picture, but couldn't find it.

-Taking Maddie to doggy training lessons at Graham Arena with my mom. There was an elderly lady next to us training her teacup poodle named Muffin:)

-Playing tug-of-war with her with a tiny shirt with knots in the sleeves. I would run around the backyard dangling the shirt and Maddie would bite the knot and hold on for dear life. I could even lift her off the ground!

-Giving her baths in the laundry sink downstairs. She got soo skinny when she got wet and her ears got ginormous. We have video of mom and I giving her a bath when I was 13 years old. (We watched the video of it the night before Maddie died.)

-Skyping with my parents when I was away at college and they would bring Maddie into the computer room so I could say hi to her.

-Getting to come home to her everytime I came home from college--she was the best part! (no offense mom and dad ;))

-Giving her "tummy rubbies" and scratching behind her ears so that her back legs would twitch like crazy.

-Recently (in the last year) taking her to the cabin we rented up north and trying to get her to swim in the lake. It was so funny and cute to watch her try. She hates water and she hated us for that.

-Having her at every birthday and Christmas since I was 10.

-Watching her chase squirrels and pounce around like a bunny on walks. Even though she was 13, she had the energy of a puppy her whole life.

-Watching her lay in the sun spots on the sun porch panting because she was so hot, but she liked it! She was my little hot dog :):):)

-Laughing/squealing at her haircuts. Some of them were SO funny. Especially the one in the last year where they cut off her beard so she didn't even look like a Schnauzer (or a dog at all) anymore. She's been compared to:
      -Doby the Elf (from harry potter)
      -A deer
      -A bunny
      -A fox
      -A cat
....and more that I can't think of right now.

-Having her come to Mizzou for my graduation and getting to have her stay in my college house and meet some of my college roommates. We got to take family pictures holding her in front of the columns. It was just really cool that she got to run around Mizzou's campus and be a part of that weekend because she is FAMILY!:)

-Getting to take cute pictures of her and share them on social media.

-I loved how protective she was. She was a great watch dog on the sun porch. She knew the difference between danger and her family coming home and I kind of liked how she would growl a little when strangers tried to pet her, but knew I was her family.

-How she would go into my parents' bedroom in the middle of the night when it was thunderstorming because she was scared. My mom would say she'd hear little footprints on their wood floor in the middle of the night. SO CUTE!

-One time we came home and she was sitting on top of a pile of pillows on the floor. Like they were her little throne. She's not allowed to sit on pillows! haha

-Sometimes when I would sleep in, my parents would bring Maddie upstairs to try and wake me up. Either by placing her on top of me while i'm trying to sleep or I'd hear my mom go "Maddie!" trying to get her to come in the direction of my bed. She was so cute and confused when she was in a part of the house she wasn't normally allowed to go.

-She was a great dog and so well trained that it was fun to be able to take her on walks without a leash and see her explore and run ahead or stay behind knowing she wouldn't go in the street or run away. Such a smart dog:)

-Flipping her ears inside out.

-Getting to call her mine.

Favorite Quotes:

-A person who has never owned a dog has missed a wonderful part of life. -Bob Barker

-I have sometimes thought of the final cause of dogs having such short lives and I am quite satisfied it is in compassion to the human race; for if we suffer so much in losing a dog after an acquaintance of ten or twelve years, what would it be if they were to double that time?

-Dogs have a way of finding the people who need them, filling an emptiness we don't even know we have.

-What we have enjoyed, we can never lose...all that we love deeply becomes a part of us. -Helen Keller

-The dog of your boyhood teaches you a great deal about friendship, and love, and death. Old Skip was my brother. They had buried him under our elm tree, they said--yet this wasn't totally true. For he really lay buried in my heart.  -My Dog Skip

I remember seeing My Dog Skip when I was younger and bawling when Skip died at the end. He died while the boy was away at college. I always worried Maddie would die while I was away at college, but she never did. She waited for me to be back home living with her to pass away. I'm so grateful she lived 13 1/2 years and got to be a part of my life from ages 10-23. She had a long, healthy and happy life and she didn't leave without a goodbye. I couldn't have asked for a better dog.

xoxo Katie

Epiphany

Why am I so concerned with failing?

I have been stressing out about this interview to the EXTREME. Putting pressure on myself that because I'm driving 7 hours away and this is the only interview for me in sight...that I will fail if I don't get the job. But I just had the epiphany that I am not failing if I don't get the job, I am failing right now by having anxiety, low self esteem and overall not trusting God. We put so much importance in the material things like cars and clothes and jobs. That if we don't have nice things, our lives aren't successful. But what is success? I think it is living God's will. Loving God and others and being patient, calm, and humble as He hands you opportunities like the interview I've been given. Showing others that you keep your head held high because God is on your side during what may seem like scary or rough times when everything is uncertain. The only way that I have been failing is by not trusting Him and His plan. If I don't get the job, God promises that His plan is always better than mine. So I know something better is around the corner. I can trust in that because God always works for the good of those who love Him. I am thankful that God reminds me of these things through an epiphany blog post when I am all caught up in "me me me" and trying to do everything myself. Well I know how that ends up: stressed, frustrated, crying and confused. Thank you Jesus for loving me with this ugly anxious heart of mine and turning my eyes toward you.