Careers suck.

Man I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself. I have never been confused or unsure of my career path until now. I have been working sooooo sooooo soooo hard on internship applications and perfecting my portfolio and resume but yet everything keeps failing. Big time.

1. I was supposed to shadow my favorite ad agency in Kansas City tomorrow, but turns out her email said last Thursday, not tomorrow, so I got the day wrong and screwed that opportunity. It's like I was so excited and so ahead of the game...then that happened and now not only did I miss out on an awesome experience, but I've made a horrible impression on the company I loved the most. If I never would have tried so hard to get their attention, I wouldn't have made this awful impression.

2. I worked really hard on my portfolio...to format it into a single file PDF, and I submitted it tonight to this agency called Barkley. Of course after I submitted it, I realized a border was missing from one of the ads so I fixed it and sent ANOTHER email to them so I've already made a horrible impression before they even open the PDF. Oh it gets better. When they do finally open it, they'll see one of my description writings cuts off about the last 8 words. Hopefully they won't read until the end?

I am soooo frustrated! I worked so hard on like an ESSAY for this application and a freaking border and format of a paragraph are going to screw me. I wanted all my applications to be perfect because they are so competitive, but my best doesn't seem to be enough.

Then I'm like, okay, I don't read any advertising magazines...I don't read articles about the industry...I just don't seem to care about the industry very much. I like writing ads and coming up with concepts, but honestly, the Hallmark internship where I would get to write honest, meaningful, writing could potentially be more my style.

I guess lately, I've had the realization that I don't necessarily have to be a copywriter if I find out it's not right for me. I should take my own advice from my Destiny blog post and recognize that I am not set for any destiny. Even though I've wanted to be a copywriter since I was in 5th grade (weird, I know) that doesn't mean I am "destined" to be one. AND even if I don't get a paid internship this summer, I still have my unpaid Thumper internship here in Columbia and could sublease at the Palace for the summer. I do have other options, but I just feel like I've put so much time into applying for internships that I want one soo bad. Seriously, it takes so much effort because I feel drained and I've only applied to 4!!!!!!!! FOUR! THAT'S IT! :(
If I don't get one, it's not the end of the world. Plenty of people don't have an internship the summer of their junior year and STILL GET JOBS! and what am I even saying, I already DO have a copywriting internship!

Man I'm just really stressed and disappointed and discouraged right now. I get to go to Kansas City tomorrow for the Ben Rector concert and eat Thai food!! all in one day! eeek! and the next day, I have a meeting at Bernstein-Rein, an agency in Kansas City to tour the agency and hopefully impress them with my new and improved portfolio! (I met the lady I'm meeting with at the career fair.)

Okay if you're still reading this, you're a true friend.
Katie