Thoughts.

Random thoughts since I've been home:

-I am disappointed in my grades this semester, but rationalize that they're a little lower because I spent so much time working my butt off applying for (and getting!) an internship of a lifetime.

-My friends can make everything look really easy. I find that I have lower self esteem at home than at school. (probably because I forget who I am NOW and revert back to my middle school/high school thinking.)

-I think about God a lot less at home than I do at school.

-I think the two thoughts above are positively correlated.

-I have some friends who I don't ask what's REALLY going on with them enough.

-I need to get on a regular, normal sleep schedule.

-I want to eat healthier, but am not exactly sure how. I don't inherently know what food is good and bad like apparently the rest of the world does.

-Sometimes I'm jealous of how easy people's lives seem, but then I realize they've taken barely any risks in their lives and with risks come struggle.

-I am really inspired by the blog of one of my future roommates, Molly Akin. Can't wait to be inspired by her thirst for God everyday next year.

-I need lots of prayers about my physical and mental health during my internship.

-I have the best mommy ever for redecorating my room and surprising me.

-I worry about the future way too much and so easily forget all the ways God has provided for me and will continue to do so...

Goodnight.
Katie

new fav song

I am obsessed with this song. the funny thing is, is i have no idea how it got on my itunes. never heard of the artist or the album...i thought it might be from a soundtrack but the album is listed anddd it's not. been listening to it all day. it's an amazing relaxer song:) enjoy!

poems from the desk...

time will pass
my heart will bloom
no longer will this darkness loom

i'll take my past
and bury it deep
no longer will this darkness seep

beneath my doubt
my confidence lays
no longer will this darkness prey

compare no more
to those who have it all
no longer will this darkness fall

Weekend in KC!

Last weekend I spent in Kansas City because I had my internship interivew Friday morning and decided to spend the rest of the weekend with my friend Abby. (featured in the post below).

My weekend in Kansas City was so awesome and I felt really really blessed the whole weekend because of the following:

1. My internship interview at Bernstein-Rein went amazingly well and I barely had any anxiety going into it.
2. Saturday night, Abby and I played this game called marbles with her parents and parents' friends. It was soo fun to have a family game night.
3. Before game night on Saturday, I enjoyed a pasta, salad, and butter bread home cooked meal made by abby's mom Norma. yummyyyy.
4. I love sleeping to thunderstorms and all 3 nights I was in Kansas City, right at the time I was falling asleep, a thunderstorm would hit and i'd get to fall asleep to loud rain on the roof. It was ironic because the first night there, I was having anxiety about my interview so i turned on this Thunderstorm Sounds App on my iphone to try and fall asleep to the sound of a storm and then like an hour into that not working, a REAL thunderstorm hit and it was very peaceful. Like God being like "you don't need your phone katie, i'll provide that for you" :)
5. I got to go to Abby's church on Sunday which once again, rocked. i've been 3 times and by this 3rd time, i am convinced that her pastor is the best pastor i've ever heard. his messages are soooo clear and educational and like i can't really explain how great he explains things!!! i take like a full page of notes on his sermons everytime i've heard him. I'll definitely be going to that church when i live in KC this summer!:)
6. I felt really blessed that weekend just to have a friend like Abby who has this amazing family that opens their home to me and makes me feel very comfortable. I always look forward to visiting Abby because not only do I get to hang with one of my best friends for a whole weekend, but i get that "home" experience that i so rarely get in college. Their family really provides me with that escape from young college people and lets me enjoy family home life for a weekend!

Thanks for that weekend Abby! love you!

Aqua&Anna&Abby&Ambition

Wowza I have what feels like a lot to write about! Another great shower producing more great thoughts. One of those thoughts was...Man I really need someone to invent waterproof paper and pen because I'm sick of making up lists in my head of all my thoughts to try and remember once I get out!! So I tweeted about how someone needs to invent this and a guy from my work tweeted back "Done. http://www.myaquanotes.com/" yep! IT'S A WATERPROOF PAD OF PAPER AND PENCIL! HALLELUHIA! seriously, I don't think Zach understands what this means for me. It means I will probably blog a lot more often because I will be able to remember all of my thoughts to blog about!!! and just so much more! What a great tool to have as a copywriter! Someone who is trying to think of good ideas constantly when the best ones come in the shower. Also, it was cool to know that like soo many other people think their best thoughts in the shower and that i'm not a complete freak.

So anyway, I'm ordering a pad this week :)

Next topic: I love my friends.

ANNA

One friend I really want to write about is my best friend from Summer Staff, Anna Egeln. You may know her as the girl from this video: Anywho, I got to chat with her on the phone tonight and man, I was just reminded once again how blessed I am to have found SUCH an amazing friend at Summer Staff. Like if there was no reason for me to have done Summer Staff but to meet Anna so we could be lifelong friends, I'd believe it. I love how we are so alike and really support each other and are both very unique people. (She likes to be ghetto and I was on a hip hop team in high school...for example. lol) Although I hate that we are states apart (and we are hoping to change that one day!! yay!)...I love that she is the #1 friend I can tell ANYTHING to, not only because she is a great friend, but because she is like my secret journal friend...the friend you can go to because you know nobody you know will ever find out anything you tell her. I have been so blessed to be able to visit her 2 times and have her family take me in for a week at a time! I got to experience literally the most fun I've ever had with a friend ever this past visit when making our dance video.
The reason I am writing about her is because nobody I know from home or school, knows her! and she is one of my best friends! And the bigger picture is I can't get over how awesome it is that we were both at Southwind in the summer of 2008, had this INSTANT friendship--like ridiculously instant. and now it's been almost 3 years later and we are still best friends. Just such an awesome showing of how people really come into your life for a reason and even if they are states away, people that are meant to stay in your life will. Love you Boo!!! :)

ABBY

Okay on the same topic of friends, I would also like to mention how awesome my friend Abby Thomason is (a faithful reader of my blog) because 2 weeks later I am still remembering how lucky I am to have a friend who will rescue me in a an instant. Basically I went to Kansas City two weeks ago and Abby and I got lunch before my meeting with this Ad agency called Bernstein-Rein. Abby helped me find Bernstein-Rein after lunch by having me follow her in my car. It was blizzard part 2 the night before in KC and so the roads were ridiculously slippery. As I was following Abby, my car got stuck going UP a hill. Abby had made it up the hill though. So I called her and was like "I'm stuuuck :( " and she's like "I can push you out! Be right there!" and just stopped her car, ran back to my car, and pushed my car free (uphill is kind of hard to push a car out! i couldn't believe she was able to do it). OKAY the point of the story is I know a lot of people that would be like "UGHH are you serious....try stepping on the gas harder..." But Abby like jolted out of her car and ran a ways down to my car to help me no questions asked. and THEN proceeded to run down the street to see if she could find Bernstein Rein by foot. WHAT A FRIEND!!!!!!! Girl, just wanted to let you know I'm still appreciating that and if my "thank you!" wasn't enough that day, I hope you understand now how much it meant to me. :) Love you!

Okay and lastly, I could write a lot about this but I won't because now this is a really long post. Basically one of my shower revelations tonight was that people know me for being picky about food, but when I think about it, I am picky about most things in life. I think I am this way because my philosophy is kind of "why settle for something you don't truly love?"
Examples in my life: searching for...jobs, boys, housing, churches, food.

Goodnight!! xoxo Katie

Showers.

I can't explain my showers. They are filled with revelations. Like God is writing His novel in my head. My thoughts are crystal clear and everything makes sense. The second I get out I run to a pad of paper and jot at the speed of light to keep up with all of the thoughts tumbling out of my brain. It's like God knows this shower is the only time he has me and my thoughts alone and takes full advantage of it by cramming everything he's wanted to tell me for years into a 20 minute time span. Clearly, I need to spend more alone time with Him. No technology, no people. Just lay and listen. Laying peacefully with worship music playing is one of my favorite things to do yet I somehow never separate myself from this damn world I love so much to take a second and LISTEN.

A couple of my shower revelations last night:

--We don't always realize the things that we need to heal from. Things that may seem insignificant in our lives could have actually had a huge impact on why we are the way we are. Maybe we absorbed and believed someone's comment about us in 8th grade and we are still healing from it to this day.

--The second you believe you deserve good things is the second they become possible.

xoxo
Katie

a ramble that turns into something worthy of reading

I am very very antsy right now. I am trying to study for my test tomorrow in the fun and exciting Integrated Marketing Communications but I can't because all I can think about is: I'M GETTING AN iPHONE IN 2 DAYS! I normally would be able to get it tomorrow, but they don't open until 10 and I am busy all day from 11am-930pm and I have things I need to do before work at 11 so I can't go the store at 10. ANYWAY, I think i'm also stirred up from watching the Oscars and having it be interrupted by a TORNADO WARNING even though it is about 30 minutes away from where I am...still really scary because there have been some SUPER SCARY winds howling tonight and some loud thunder. And my mind has always been the type to put myself in the position of the natural disaster and stress out FOR the people actually going through it.

Anyway, I can't wait to get an iPhone, but lately..like in the last 24 hours, i've had huge reminders that America is sooo rich and we are sooo beyond privileged and we take everything for granted. And also about how you can't serve money and God. Because i'm like spending all my money and freaking out that I have no money...and now i'm like what the heck, I have way more than I need...like this whole iPhone thing is just a want not a need. Basically, while being reminded of this, it just makes me want to give more of my money to people who need it. And I completely believe that all money is God's money and if you invest it in others, that he will bless you in return. Like today in church they showed a testimonial video of this guy from our church who told his financial story about how God provides for you if you are using your money how He wants you to.

Basically the guy's story was this:
He has 6 kids and works in construction. in 2008, the construction business went down the toilet so this led to this man not knowing how he was going to pay his bills the next month. Then he was at one of our church's meetings about how the church isn't receiving enough money from the members and how each church member would need to give $125 per family member to get rid of the church's debt. The man said that he did the math and that meant his family should give around $1,000. He said even though he didn't know how he was going to pay his bills the next month, he felt the Holy Spirit tell him he needed to give that amount. So he did. He said he prayed "God, I fully expect 100% return on that investment, not 30% but 100%." He said he expected to see the money come back to him in about 4 months. But it took 7 months until one day he was at home watching t.v. and his son came in with a red envelope and said, "Dad, what's this? It was stuck to our door." The man didn't know what it was or where it came from. He opened it up and it was 5 $100 gift cards to Walmart and Hyvee. Over the next few months they kept getting gift cards in the mail randomly. Also, he noted that during the 7 months of waiting, they never missed a bill payment of any kind.
SOOO COOL :) I LOVE stories like these!!!!!

I love how God pushes you to trust him. To step outside of your comfort zone and trust that he will provide for you. Whatever you need. a HUGE example of this in my life is my housing situation for next year. OH MAN. I told myself I would not stress over it...that I would give it to God and pray for His will to be done. I prayed and prayed that he would provide me with Christian roommates and that everything would work out with 504. After like 4 months of waiting...I am suddenly living in my dream "college house" with 3 awesome Christian girls who all want the same thing as me? God really provides. in whatever way you need him to.

And if he's not providing something for you, it is probably because you think it is what you want, but he knows what you NEED. His plan is ALWAYS better than our own. It's easy to get caught up in praying for what YOU want, but pray for what HE wants to be done with your life....I am currently dealing with this as I pray for my summer plans...I'll be sure to let you know how those turn out! :)

Katie

Careers suck.

Man I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself. I have never been confused or unsure of my career path until now. I have been working sooooo sooooo soooo hard on internship applications and perfecting my portfolio and resume but yet everything keeps failing. Big time.

1. I was supposed to shadow my favorite ad agency in Kansas City tomorrow, but turns out her email said last Thursday, not tomorrow, so I got the day wrong and screwed that opportunity. It's like I was so excited and so ahead of the game...then that happened and now not only did I miss out on an awesome experience, but I've made a horrible impression on the company I loved the most. If I never would have tried so hard to get their attention, I wouldn't have made this awful impression.

2. I worked really hard on my portfolio...to format it into a single file PDF, and I submitted it tonight to this agency called Barkley. Of course after I submitted it, I realized a border was missing from one of the ads so I fixed it and sent ANOTHER email to them so I've already made a horrible impression before they even open the PDF. Oh it gets better. When they do finally open it, they'll see one of my description writings cuts off about the last 8 words. Hopefully they won't read until the end?

I am soooo frustrated! I worked so hard on like an ESSAY for this application and a freaking border and format of a paragraph are going to screw me. I wanted all my applications to be perfect because they are so competitive, but my best doesn't seem to be enough.

Then I'm like, okay, I don't read any advertising magazines...I don't read articles about the industry...I just don't seem to care about the industry very much. I like writing ads and coming up with concepts, but honestly, the Hallmark internship where I would get to write honest, meaningful, writing could potentially be more my style.

I guess lately, I've had the realization that I don't necessarily have to be a copywriter if I find out it's not right for me. I should take my own advice from my Destiny blog post and recognize that I am not set for any destiny. Even though I've wanted to be a copywriter since I was in 5th grade (weird, I know) that doesn't mean I am "destined" to be one. AND even if I don't get a paid internship this summer, I still have my unpaid Thumper internship here in Columbia and could sublease at the Palace for the summer. I do have other options, but I just feel like I've put so much time into applying for internships that I want one soo bad. Seriously, it takes so much effort because I feel drained and I've only applied to 4!!!!!!!! FOUR! THAT'S IT! :(
If I don't get one, it's not the end of the world. Plenty of people don't have an internship the summer of their junior year and STILL GET JOBS! and what am I even saying, I already DO have a copywriting internship!

Man I'm just really stressed and disappointed and discouraged right now. I get to go to Kansas City tomorrow for the Ben Rector concert and eat Thai food!! all in one day! eeek! and the next day, I have a meeting at Bernstein-Rein, an agency in Kansas City to tour the agency and hopefully impress them with my new and improved portfolio! (I met the lady I'm meeting with at the career fair.)

Okay if you're still reading this, you're a true friend.
Katie

i'm going on a writing spree. the more you write the better you get. and i'm talkin pen to paper. i'm craving that pen to paper. i'm going to force myself to write until i can't write any longer. about anything and everything. goodbye facebook. hello journal. i will probably still update my blog because what do i do on here? write.

get the picture? awesome. see ya.